The six years of self-confidence
ACTION. Carry out activities that give us the feeling of being helpful, skillful, capable… The important thing is to look for them, identify them; It does not matter that in the search, we find many that resist us; we do not stay in them; we continue searching. A child with an attention deficit found it challenging to follow the classes and pass; he felt clumsy and incapable. After years of this feeling, his parents decided to investigate until they found what abilities his son had to feel capable and valid. At 17, he discovered a remarkable ability to play the guitar; he formed a group … he feels safe, and no one doubts the security that he transmits on stage. This has helped him improve in his studies.
ARRANGEMENT. Regulate the need for approval from others. Think correctly about the expectations that others have of us without overvaluing or fearing them. When she goes out with her friends or in the office, Ana is always aware of others: –They expect me to be funny, safe…, but they will think that I am clumsy and dull… I am sure I have done it wrong, my colleagues will put aside– Nothing like that had ever happened, but she felt more and more insecure. She now knows that her fears are not valid because she has them; she is focused on enjoying what she makes of her and has stopped trying to “guess” what others think or expect.
ACCEPTANCE. Adjust our perfectionism. Not be afraid of making mistakes, of making mistakes. Thinking that we are not perfect and that this is “normal.” That the commitment is with us or ourselves, and is, do the best we can. When I teach, either to male or female students or to company managers, I am not afraid of being wrong or not knowing an answer, I do not pretend to be perfect; my goal is to connect and communicate in the best possible way what is valuable and valuable to my interlocutors. Not being afraid of failure has a positive effect; it makes me focus more and better on my work. COPING.
Face your fears. The natural reaction to fear is to flee, but this does not allow us to learn and develop skills. Doing so will make us feel that we are moving forward, and we will face new fears with more and more self-confidence. Belén insisted over and over again that she was incapable of public speaking. She had said to herself so many times, “I can’t,” that she had avoided every opportunity to check how she was doing. One day she was forced by work reasons to make a presentation. She asked me to help her deal with the situation. After a few sessions, I asked her to present the presentation to me when I saw that she was comfortable. Although I have to say that she hoped she didn’t do it wrong, she was shocked to see the ability and skill that she displayed. Every time she can speak in public, she has already lost her fear and increasingly develops her communication skills, and she feels more confident in herself.
ESTEEM. Tight self-esteem. Having self-esteem means knowing both your strengths and your weaknesses and accepting them. This acceptance helps you normalize what we do not have, our failures, and be aware of and value our qualities. Sonia feels insecure despite how she is. She is good at working, has a good character, knows how to deal with any problem, but is afraid to recognize and accept her pride and rigidity, and becomes defensive. By not being aware of it, she creates a bad environment around her. If he recognized that aspect of her personality, her pride, in her, he could learn to accept it, to know it better, and to regulate it. She has started to do it, and now she says to herself: –I have faults, but overall I am normal, and I am more and more sure, although there are things that can be improved,… who does not have them?
SELF-EFFECTIVENESS. As defined by Bandura (1986), self-efficacy is the “personal belief of possessing the necessary capacity to execute behaviors necessary to obtain results successfully.” Psychologists consider this point to be one of the most important to have self-confidence. Many people feel “handcuffed,” unable to do anything in their lives, believing that circumstances or others determine what happens to them or what they feel. To not feel this way, let us learn to identify the part that depends on us in each situation and act by putting our effort into finding solutions. Two co-workers are in a stressful situation.
The heads of a department are unclear and contradictory in their instructions, and their communication is aggressive. Beatriz thinks that the bosses are a disaster and that she cannot continue like this. She thinks that she cannot do anything, that her discomfort is a consequence of how they treat her, and that she will not find a job if she is fired. Her partner, María de Ella, believes that her bosses Do not give you clear instructions, but that it is in your hands to ask for them and that you will be able to do your homework well. He has decided to train her assertiveness to handle the situation better and respond to aggressive communication with her. She is willing to be firm and professional, and she is not afraid of losing her job; she knows that if she were fired from her, it would be a matter of giving her hours of training and finding another job. She feels that she is in control of her.
In self-confidence, there is a power that we all have, which is to believe in ourselves. Throughout our personal development, we are polishing our defects and our virtues. Based on our experience and learning, we are shaping the unique being that we are. One factor that helps us move forward is self-confidence …
Both for the development of self-esteem and personal growth, there is a basic need to trust oneself. Without good trust, we become paralyzed, flee, and avoid every unknown experience, believing that we will not cope with it. In self-confidence lies the impulse that makes us grow and enrich ourselves in the face of the great diversity of experiences.
Our vision of the world depends on how we see ourselves and our relationship with other people. We are creating a concept about ourselves based on how we think others see us. However, we must not lose sight of how we see ourselves. Since depending on this, we will focus our attention more on the positive or negative aspects.
A reasonably common bias is to keep a part of things instead of seeing the whole. How we have developed our self-confidence helps us see beyond the criticisms, the results, or the mistakes made. Facilitates understanding and compassion to reach acceptance. Next, we will see in more detail what self-confidence consists of and how to work it.